Death And Determination
by Adelaide Elizabeth Morgan
Summary: The latest in a string of prostitute murders makes Blair question his own mortality


"Blair? Blair? Snap out of it Sandburg!" Jim Ellison shook his partner trying to get his attention.  
  
Blair paid no mind to him; his eyes fixed on the mutilated body of the prostitute.  
  
"Get him out of here Ellison," Simon snapped.  
  
Jim didn't reply, just grabbed Blair's elbow and pulled him away. Blair followed docilely, getting into the truck when Jim pointed him in. He sat silently, eyes fixed forwards, staring out the windscreen.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Jim watched the younger man, worried about him. Blair was definitely not the silent one. He pulled over at a café, told Blair to get out and get a table while he parked up.  
  
Blair did and was just sitting there silently when Jim rejoined him with coffees. He put one of them on the table in front of Blair and told him to drink. Blair's hands latched around the mug and he drank it mechanically.  
  
"What happened back there, Chief? I thought you'd come to terms with finding corpses? I know it's not an easy thing, but you haven't reacted like that in a long time."  
  
"That wasn't just a body man, that was a person, someone I knew. She... one minute she would have been doing her thing, and then blam! The next thing she knew she was dead... I ... I knew her and now she's dead. It's weird."  
  
Jim leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms. "It's never easy dealing with death, but when it's a lot harder when it's someone you know. Believe me, I know."  
  
Blair looked up from his coffee at that, but his hands were still tight around it.  
  
"Did you know her well?"  
  
Blair nodded. "Yeah. I... She... We dated. We were together for ages when she first started at Rainier" Noticing Jim's raised eyebrow, he managed a tentative smile. "And I do mean ages. We were like serious, very serious. I'm talking the kind of serious where I asked her to marry me. Serious like in engaged here."  
  
"Engaged? You were engaged? You've never mentioned her before, so I'm guessing something happened." At Blair's pained look, he reached out a supportive hand on his friend's tense arm. "You've always told me these things are better brought out in the open than to be stewing on them."  
  
"Yeah I know. Uhmm... we'd been engaged for a couple of months when she changed. She started dressing differently, shorter skirts, that sort of thing. Man, I loved it. She looked amazing. She had more money and everything. Just said she had a new job, but never talked about it. Changed the subject whenever I asked her." Blair took a sip of his coffee. "This went on for a while then she just disappeared. Stopped attending lectures, I never saw her, her phone was disconnected... it was like she never existed. One minute everything was great, and then... I never saw her again." Blair shrugged.  
  
"Until today?" Jim ventured.  
  
Blair nodded.  
  
Jim squeezed Blair's arm. "I'm sorry. How're you feeling?"  
  
Blair made an effort to relax, but didn't release his grip on the mug. "Way whacked out. This just doesn't feel real. Jessie's the same age as me, and she's dead. Dead. And I'm alive. I could die at any moment, Jim. I... I could even die tomorrow. And I don't like that. "  
  
Jim massaged the back of his neck. 'Mortality is never nice to realise' he thought to himself. "No-one does. It's a hard lesson to learn. I learnt it in Peru... everyone I was with died, and I didn't. It's hard to get your head around. But it makes you value what you have."  
  
"But.. Jessie's dead. I can't get my head around it. She's dead, I could die, you could..."  
  
"I know Blair, I know... "  
  
"Oh man." Blair ran his hands through his hair. "This is... this is hard, y'know?"  
  
Jim didn't reply.  
  
"This really sucks. I'm being a pain in the ass. Sorry man."  
  
"No, you're not." Jim took a sip of his coffee, but spat it out again because it had gone cold. "We've all been through it. Some of us many times. It's just something you need to work through."  
  
"Oh man..." Blair repeated himself again. He looked down at his empty mug, and unlaced his fingers from it. He looked up at Jim, his eyes suddenly full of fire. "Why the hell are we sitting here, then? Let's get out there and nail the bastard who did this."  
  
"Do you think you're up to it?"  
  
"Death is all around, I know that, and I know there's nothing I can do. But here... someone is killing people, the same someone that killed Jessie, and there's something I... something WE can do about it, y'know?"  
  
Jim smiled. "Yeah, I know." 


End file.
